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Toleration Tendency

I remember hearing a story from Rick Sapio, my business coach, that had a profound impact on me. He shared that one of his good friends reached out to him to tell him that his office manager was caught stealing petty cash from the business and was pretty sure this wasn’t the first time. This friend was really upset but since the office manager has worked there for years, he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Rick advised that he should immediately fire the manager and if need be, seek appropriate legal means to find out what financial loss has truly happened. The friend agreed and hung the phone up to initiate the advice.
Each of us has things in our life that we are willing to tolerate and put up with before making a decision about what to do.Many times this decision is an aspect of what is holding us back from the happier and more successful version of our self.

Merriam-Webster defines the world tolerate as:
1a: to allow to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction
b: to put up with, learn to tolerate one another
2: to endure or resist the action of (something, such as a drug or food) without serious side effects or discomfort : exhibit physiological tolerance for something.

I see this on a daily occurrence in my therapy and coaching practice where someone has chosen to “put up” with behaviors or actions that harm them and are against their personal core values. I sometimes even ask the following question to them. ” If you, a long time ago, have decided to not allow this in your life, what do you think would be different today?”

Many times I get the answer that they would not even be sitting in my office to get help with his challenge. On occasion, I help them to see the patterns of choices in their life that has led them to being saturated in a myriad of problems.

So what happened to Rick’s friend? He was so stuck in his toleration tendencies that it took him 7 years to fire his office manager. Can you imagine going to sleep every night with the doubt of what was going to be taken next and for how much money over that time period?

Each of us, in our own ways, are doing this. We all have unhealthy, self-limiting patterns and decision making processes that are causing us to suffer in ways we never imagined.
I know the items I have tolerated over many years included telling the story to myself that I am not an entrepreneur or business owner. This limited my ability to grow and scale my business before I started delving the BFS community.
By using the Core Values worksheet, I now have clarity on what I am willing to allow in to my personal and professional life.

So, let’s make a change. Take out a piece of paper or a new document and start to list all the things in your life that annoy you in an unhealthy way. Now I am not talking about the massive things that you can’t change by yourself, like political positions, climate change, health care or other hot topic issues. I am talking about your day to day interactions with the people you work with, the people you love and even with yourself.
What have you been pushing off working on in your person life?

Stop using the “Ill get around to this when” attitude. Really take some time and put this down and out of your head. You and your professional life cannot afford to delay this any longer. Have you really wanted to eat healthier? Do you want to create a more balances work-personal life schedule? Are you waiting for the next big deal to hire the new staff member you think you cannot afford? Do you need to let go of that staff member that has been bringing down company morale?

What do you need to do to take action on these items?
Every successful person I know has someone to be accountable to when it comes to personal change and their goals. The mindset of being tough enough to “do it myself ” only goes so far when it comes to exponential growth. That is what you are looking for right? Massive changes that lead to massive success?
In order for you to be truly successful, we need to change our mindset about how we solve our problems and concerns. As a great philosopher once said ” You can’t solve that from here”.

The 2 Categories of Influence
Internal: This is what’s going on inside of you and how you chose to interact with the world.
This can include: your health, spirituality/religion, self-esteem, past regrets, worry, fear of being vulnerable, self-doubt.
External: These are the influences outside of yourself.
These can include: family, friends, romantic interests, financial (not saving enough, saving over spending, deciding on what to spend on), diet, where you choose to live, free time activities/hobbies.
Let’s do a quick review…
Most of us put up with stuff we shouldn’t that effects on negatively in the long run. These can be internal or external toleration. We need to decide what we are tolerating that we should no longer do so and create a list of those things that we can see have been harmful or limiting to our emotional or practical success. We need to decide what else we have been avoiding dealing with and find a therapist/coach to help us strategically move forward with certainty.
I believe that these toleration tendencies can be the difference between increased stress/ failures or what can help you have a lifestyle by design full of happiness and success.



Jason Wasser, LMFT is a Florida Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Neuro Emotional Technique Practitioner and Certified Entrepreneur Coach.
He runs a full service online Therapy & Coaching practice in South Florida and is the host of the You Winning Life Podcast.

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