1. Be clear on what you are looking for
Each time you meet someone you connect with, regardless if its a friend or a romantic interest, add the positive character traits that you like onto a list that you should be compiling. Before you go on the first date (it is a date right, not some vague “lets get together”) review the list and be on the look out for the other person to display those features.
Some people need time to open up, so if some of the traits show up but others don’t, if you feel an attraction or connection, give it more time.
2. Let the first date be casual and interactive
It does not have to be dinner as that can be too formal and screams “interview”. The time should be focused on getting to know her as a real person. Ask questions, if you aren’t sure of what to ask, come up with some common questions based on interest, hobbies, where they grew up, went to school, work, etc. Back and forth banter is key to successful interactions at this stage.
- Don’t act like he/she owes you anything for taking her you out for the evening.
- If the date isn’t going your way, don’t try to see how badly you can tank it.
- Don’t get too intense with your emotions or feelings. Certainly stay away from hot button topics like politics till you know each other better.
- Thank him/her for getting together with you and don’t take their time for granted even if you don’t want a second date.
- Don’t leave your manners at home.
As long as the other person is in agreement, try to do something interactive such as an activity. If, circumstances or the other person prefers something more “traditional” try places that offer tapas or other appetizers and drinks. The first date doesn’t have to be more than 45-an hour and a half so there is no pressure on either person. By that time, one or both of you should know if you want to see each other again.
3. Have gratitude
Dating has become a chore and can feel like a job that most people no longer enjoy.
Try to keep in mind the other person has also gone through their share of dating challenges and are hoping to find the right one just as much as you are.
Be up front if you don’t connect on a romantic level. You don’t need to wait till a few days after the date to let them know that and certainly do not, under any circumstances just disappear, even if you think they feel the same way. I have set up previous dates with other people as sometimes that may be someone a good friend or colleague may connect with. Someone’s recycling is someone else’s treasure!
Feeling stuck in your dating attempts, schedule a consultation with me so we can help you meet more of the right people and enjoy the process of finding the right one for you.
Jason Wasser, LMFT is a Florida Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Addictions Professional and a Certified Neuro Emotional Technique Practitioner. He runs a full service Family Therapy practice in South Florida that sees kids, couples, adults and families from all backgrounds. He also is a speaker and coach who has spoke for organizations and retreats across the country.
For more information, call 954-324-3677 or visit www.thefamilyroomsfl.com and www.jasonwasserspeaks.com